Posted by: Leah | February 14, 2008


(from an article)

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, “How do I know if I married the right person?” I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, “It depends. Is that your husband?”. In all seriousness, she answered, “How do you know?”

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’s weighing on your mind.

Here’s the answer:

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love
with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a
completely Natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to do anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love…Because it’s happening to YOU.

People in love sometimes say, “I was swept off my feet.” Think
about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just
standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened to you. Falling in love is easy. It’s a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It’s
The natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you
think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, “Did I marry the Right person?” And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. people blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity
is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage.
It lies within it. I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later.

Because, listen carefully to this:
IT’S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND. SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous Experience. It’ll NEVER just happen to you.

You can’t “find” LASTING love. You have to “make” it day in and day out. That’s why we have the expression “the Labor of love.” Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific
things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It’s a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable…You can “make” love.

Love in marriage is indeed a “decision”… Not just a feeling.

For the Love of my life, “Happy Valentines Day”

(Author unknown… my spouse)



  1. I enjoyed your writing. Most of the people go in for the celebrations without really knowing, and at this time your article is very apt.
    This morning I read another post on wordpress, and was amused by the absurdities we engage ourselves into in the name of ‘love’. I would like to share the link with you here, and I hope you will enjoy it as much as I did. Best,

  2. yes you did. and your marriage will bring you both to your ultimate destination and that is to be with Him in heaven. Always pray for that.

  3. I have already received this forward mail and this is so true ! There is no perfect right but there is a perfect combination and that makes you one. Happy Valentines Day Leah !

  4. i think only the two of you can say kung siya nga ba yung mr right or ms right….

    siguro pati yung mga families or anak nyo makakapagsabi din kung naging ok ang relationship nyo bilang magasawa…

    arg! gusto ko ng anak!

    plug: guys, paki review/comment nman yung kabanata 2 sa ginagawa nming kwento… – bukas kasi i re release na yung kabanata 3 kaya we need all the inputs we can have pra mpaganda ang story… salamat po! happy friday sa inyong lahat!

  5. Thanks Leah this article is very helpful and gives me useful insights as I embark on a new chapter in my life – marriage in 3 months time! 🙂

  6. Belated Happy Hearts Day. 🙂

    Just wondering… you know that Piolo Pascual, Sam Milby, John Lloyd Cruz, Pokwang and Canadian Idol finalist Martha Joy will be in Toronto for a concert in March, yes? Not sure if I’m going though… Tickets range from $50 to $125. The avenue is much better than the last one… More organized, bigger.

  7. amen! totally true. after three years of marriage and being together for six years now, we (atleast I think it’s a WE) are still not in that stage where we ask ourselves if we married the right person. i just pray that day never comes!

  8. “Many happy marriages are made, they do not just happen”.

    Its true that falling in love wasnt hard, but it is sustaining the love that really matters because marriage is a continuing work in progress.

  9. Hi Leah…I do agree that it is a decision, not just some emotion or feeling coz those are unstable, unlike if you really make a decision =)

    Belated Happy Vday Leah…

  10. After 16 yrs of being married, I think and I hope that I married the right guy. (Parang doubt pa eh no?)

  11. Hi Leah, pag yung wordpress account gamit ko di ako makapasok dito sa blog mo.

  12. Thank you for sharing this wonderful post about marriage and the importance of sustaining our love for our partner in life.

  13. Absolutely correct and very well said – learning to love the person is key to an enduring relationship once the sparks are over and kids start coming and the waistline starts bulging 🙂

    I’d say marriage can be very dangerous for people who expect for things not to change because it will 😦

  14. Leah, this is a wise and timely take on what or hot it is to love .. that it is a decision. It is said that when you have fallen out of love, then you can start (really loving).

    That is a very difficult question. Have we married the right person(s). Apparently, there is a mr. right and a mr. wrong. But is there? There is a (school of) thought that tells us that everything is perfect as it has happeened or is happening. Meaning that marrying a bum or a womanizer or whatever is just right for a person because of the kind of (stronger, wiser) person she or he will be after or while relating to that bum. Ultimately, things are just as they should be. Kuno. Whaddya think.

  15. my say: oy, this is a nice topic, i like it!

    marriage is a life long commitment that deserves careful planning.
    A man will logically say: is she the right person for me?
    but equally important he should ask: am i the right person for her?
    If the husband treats his wife as he treats his own body and if the wife has deep respect to her husband, theres no such marriage breakup.

    In some couples, they compete to one another’s money and career.
    Instead of being together in same goals and principles, to stay respecting one another…

    Ay oo, there’s still a lot to learn….

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